Ping Pirates!

It was juz another clan war that Captain Nicola took part in, unfortunately, her Battle Royale was out of energy and out of HP. Biting the dust once again, she dragged her feet across the the damp soil of the Corxas jungle, while waiting for the ship's solar crystals to recharge themselves under the dim light of the tropical rainforest.

All of a sudden, her foot got caught she fell flat on her face, kissing dirt. Obviously annoyed, she took out her glistening hunting knife, expecting to cut away vines that entagled her foot. As she turned her head, a glint caught her eye. Nicola used her hands to uncover the dirt, and realised that it was a small metal chest with a lock

Using a high rock, Nicola broke open the chest and saw some parchments. Upon reading them, she realised that she had stumbled upon the lost 1v1 scrolls.

So far the unwritten rules known though the land, the famed 1V1 scrolls are laid out to protect the two clans who wish to participate, the unwritten rules are read as such.

: The clans involved will inform the entire community as to their intentions of killing each other in the forum
: Any extra clan that is still active, shall honour the sanctity of the event, and simply watch and be entertained, till as time that the event is complete.:, section two. Once the battle is done, the rules of 1V1 are revoked, for the 1V1 is complete.
:Clans involved have to inform the CMs of the other clans in the tier such an event and have their acknowledgement, either via PM or forum
:Any other special arrangments pre or post 1V1 are not considered part of a 1V! and CMs should @@communicate directly to ensure no misunderstanding occours

If the surviving clan wishes to engage the bystanding clan in another 1V1 immediately after the first has been completed, clans involved must inform the masters of the bystanding clan directly; before the first war begins to take place.

War quotes*
Private “sir, the enemy tank has lost a track! Shall we continue?”
Officer “no son, we’ll take our smoke break while they repair it.”

Private “sir, the enemy fort’s gate is open!!! It appears they have broken a hinge!!”
Officer “So? We’ll wait till they fix that hinge…. Or else we’ll have to do it when we capture it, and I aign’t no darn mechanic.”

Private “I see an enemy with his back to me, I’m taking the shot”
Officer “LIKE HELL YOU ARE! GIMME THAT WEAPON, why would you think of doing that?!?!?!? I mean… it’s just not nice.”


Private “sir, the enemy is in the bathroom! Should we capture him by surprise?”
Officer “hell no! I don’t want him to crap himself! Whether he’s on the toilet or not! It’s just not nice”

Nicola realised that the scrolls could end the bickering among clans that existed eons ago. She quickly rushed back to her airship and prepared to set sail for the Sios Council Elders, for the scrolls could be the key to setting things right after so many years of chaos and strife.

Edit: Written by Captain Liam

It seemed like another quiet night in the Jade Archipelago. Only the occasional barking of dogs at the Jade harbour broke the still of silence.

Captain Nicola was struggling to keep awake at her sentry post. She wished that she could doze off to lala land, especially since the earlier day's battles had take their toll on her body. Her droppy eyelids began to close despite her futile efforts to stay awake. And she started dreaming.

She saw herself drifting across the beautiful night sky, with the cool wind blowing in her hair. The starlight lit up a stage from nowhere and she began to dance on the stage. Suddenly she felt black shadows creeping closer and closer to the stage. She tried to scream, but no sound came out. And then she began to fall through the darkness.

Nicola jolted awake. She saw silhouettes against the horizon, appearing larger by the second. She thought that her eyes were playing tricks on her again.. But a blinding flash of light and the unmistakable roar of a yamato cannon was convincing enough that the Ping fort was under seige! Nicola quickly blew the alarm horn as loud as she could. Airships come to life and the nightsky was brightly light with battle flames. War cries and screams filled the air as captains try to tear each other's guts out.



Suddenly, an ominous rumble was heard. No one paid any attention. But the rumble got gradually louder. Both sides stopped fighting when they realised that the noise was not coming from either side. The rumble grew louder and louder, like an growl of a rousing carnivore. A bright glint of light had now appeared and seconds later, it became visible enough for nicola to discern it as an airship shaped like a fort.

Nicola peered through her telecope and peered at the captain at the airship's steering wheel. She gasped. Captain Anne was back!

Earlier today it was announced that a new way to stop overflow of ship energy has been found, and it comes in the form of a…. bank account?

The Sios fuel commission has been harassed by President of Sios, LL, to clean up their act and stop wasting the lifeblood of their armies, known as *AP*.

Due to inactive captains, and matters of human nature, ships have been overflowing their AP’s and leaking them into the countryside, causing massive environmental problems, including the mutation of local animals and critters, which have somehow learned to fly and have been attacking wayward airships that have strayed out of city limits for a little personal *exploring*.

They Sios bank awkwardly, will not be accepting deposits directly. They will only be allowed to credit AP’s to an account through an outside donator, after the captain has bribed the donator with information.

This way of running the bank, seems only to promote gas theft, and several donators of large amounts (one being generous enough to donate 500 AP’s worth of fuel to the co-operating captains) was duped the other day, by captains who signed the offer, got their fuels, then shot the clerks and ran away laughing. The Sios police force have rounded up all the criminals and put those who had used the stolen fuel into debt.



This bank may be the turning point in stopping fuel robbery, but it is doing nothing to stop the environmental damage, many ancient turtles are starting to get upset, and becoming more violent in their protests.

For more information pls refer to http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=18063885304&topic=14318

News brought to you by Captain Liam of Ping

I found these jokes in my email. The original Sios version is here : http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=18063885304&topic=13777&start=90&hash=432ae03f0d29709a2f53bfda8d7c3f74


But maybe some answers from some famous people.


BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken
wanted CHANGE!


JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
side of the road.



HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right
from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......


DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems.


OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.


GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.


JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.


MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.


ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.


GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.


ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.


BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is
much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.



ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?


BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?


ALGORE:
I invented the chicken!


COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?


DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?


AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!


And now, the local version (for Singapore & Malaysia):


LEE KUAN YEW (Former Prime Minister Singapore):
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens
should be able to cross safely to the other side.

LEE HSIEN LOONG (Current Prime Minister Singapore):
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road
are advised to top up their cash cards first.

ABDULLAH BADAWI (Current Prime Minister Malaysia):
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some
do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking
about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide
whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR (Former Prime Minister Malaysia):
Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road? How can they
disrespect and disregard the bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our right!

ANWAR (Opposition party leader Malaysia):
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SAMY VELU (Former Minister of Works Malaysia):
After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the
road.

And now for the Sios Version!!!

LL : The chicken cross the road because it was a clone(multi) and didn't want to get frozen

Rawr Clan : The chicken cross the road because it was too chicken to res vs us

Tier B Clan : The chicken cross the road because it didnt want to go to Tier B

Fong Pei : The chicken cross the road so that it could go DOING DOING DOING

Jon Lai : The chicken cross the road because it cannot take flaming

Marina : I talked to the chicken to give me a script, but the chicken didn't want to, so I reported it to LL and the chicken cross the road to escape LL

Elron : What the F**K is this Chicken?

Frank : I had 75 chickens, LL asked 2 to cross the road so there is 73 on my side of the road

And now for the Special Ping version

Arzhou : We don't know if the chicken will cross the road. It could get lost while crossing the road, or it may not want to cross.

Chloe : A fat cow occupy this whole side of the road, so there is no space for the chicken hence it crossed the road

Dennis : What chicken? ***BuRP!!!!***

Lu Feng : The chicken crossed the road because there was a rooster on the other side!!!

Liam : I told the chicken to cross the road so it crossed the road

Title: Pingster willing to run naked in crowded shopping belt

In a recent clan war, the Ping fort was still left standing after battle, something which had hardly happened for a long time. Intrigued by the possibility of the clan still floating, a conversation in the chatroom went as follows:

23:50 L IF WE R STILL UP 2MR THIS TIME.. DO U FOLKS WANT A 1V1 WIF PIRATES Xd
23:50 h haha.. funny
23:50 h how can we stay float for 24 hrs?
23:54 j ?
23:54 j IF
23:55 j IF its still up
23:55 j i'll run around orchard naked
23:56 cw will you post a picture on the bs forum to prove it
23:56 L http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=13669&post=215690&uid=18063885304#post215690
23:56 L ok i think the chance of us staying afloat i quite high nw
23:57 L We love u j
23:57 cw we needed him to say he would post the picture before making a topic
23:58 L i can alwaz post a screenshot of wat he wrote :D
23:58 j LOL
23:58 L go on j
23:59 L post in the forum
23:59 j we shall seeeeeeeee
23:59 L saying wat u juz said
23:59 j mai !
23:59 j lol
23:59 j i lazy to login
23:59 L chicken
23:59 j pok pok keh
23:59 L no balls
23:59 j lol
23:59 j i go sleep
23:59 j damn tied
23:59 j my new car
23:59 j COMING !!!!
23:59 j COUNTDOWN !!!!
0:00 L excuses
0:00 j really mah
0:00 j 1 more mth from today
0:01 L j has no balls
0:01 j la la la
0:01 L no balls to repeat wat he said
0:01 j lol
0:05 c O.o
0:05 cw I think I may leave you guys to talk about j's ball less bag and go to bed.

For international citizens who are unacquainted with Singaporean slang, this particular clan member whom we shall name as J to protect his identity as a minor, seemed extremely confident that the fort will sink. So confident was he that he was willing to run along Singapore's busiest shopping belt, Orchard Road, naked, if the fort was still left standing after 24 hrs.

The Ping news team interviewed several members of the Ping leadership on their views

CM Adrian Zhou expressed extreme displeasure at such undermining of the clan spirit.

"This is outrageous! Such unbecoming behavior amounts to treason! I have a good mind to detain him under the Internal Security Act" he said.

Captain Debbie Ang was most upset at the possibility of seeing J naked.

"Oh I am so shy! Think of all the kids and ladies if he really loses the bet. It will be so awkward and embarrassing, " she blushes and covers her face.

Thankfully for the citizens of Sios, BANE clan decided that such an atrocity would be extremely damaging to the youth of Sios. They attacked the Ping fort 3 hrs to the end of countdown.

"As much as we were busy harvesting plasma rocks to strengthen our clan, we had to do the right thing to safeguard the youth of Sios," said Captain Adrian Hew of Bane.

Captain J could not be reached for comment at press time.